Let It Go

Let it go. This is probably the most difficult part of being a parent of an addict. Somehow coming up with the ability to just “let it go.” My addict has been an addict for about 5 years now, and I’ve just recently learned to “let it go.” Its been a looooooong road to here, but the reward has been wonderful – PEACE.

I’ve come to a place, where I’ve realized deep down, that I did not cause J’s addiction, and I am powerless to take it away. Us parents of addicts, who are all sharing together here on our blogs, hear these words from each other every day. And at first they were just words – cliches almost. “Didn’t cause it, can’t fix it, yadda yadda yadda.”

The tough part comes in when you have to learn to LIVE these words. Easy to read ’em, tough to apply ’em. The secret is to truly give it ALL over to GOD.

I have a friend that I haven’t seen in many years. We connected again a few months ago, and he informed me that he is a recovered alcoholic/addict. He said these words to me, and I now say them to my son whenever I get a chance, because it TRULY is the only way to live through addiction. His method of dealing with his addiction is “To wake up every morning and pray to God to keep me clean today, and to go to bed every night and thank God that he did.”

Powerful words. Sounds simple, but I suspect its not. But apparently it works. My friend is over 3 years clean at this point, from alcohol/cocaine addiction.

I’ve taken his words, and applied them to myself, as my way of dealing with this addiciton. Every morning I wake up and “pray to God to keep him clean today” and every night I go to bed and “thank God that he did.” And from there, I live on two simple principles – HOPE and FAITH.

Faith that God hears my words each day, and hope that J hears God whispering to him each day.

This is how I’ve chosen to live my life, and so far its working. It could be because J is in rehab right now, so everything SEEMS to be just wonderful. But, by the same token, he is not FORCED to be there – he could walk out today! I believe it is HIS faith and hope that keeps him there.

On another note, J WILL be coming home this Sunday for a 12 hour visit. I am a bit nervous. This is where my choice to live my life with faith and hope is going to come into play big time! He could run. He could rip off my money, my possessions, and run. He’s done it before. At one point during high school, when all was going to hell, we enrolled him in Military School. After a couple of months of being there, and J claiming that he liked it, and all was well, they gave him a weekend pass. And he ran…………. He manipulated us into thinking everything would be fine, and then he ran. We found him and dragged his sorry ass back there. And yes, somewhere in the back of my mind this incident keeps coming up. But there’s a difference now – when he ran from military school, he was 16 and I was still responsible for him. If he runs now, he’s 21 and I’m NOT responsible. HIS CHOICE.

Let it go……