Dr. Carol here. Am I the only one who plays the armchair psychiatrist? Like, if I could just figure out what propels him to use, I could make it stop? So my days are spent thinking, “Ya know, maybe its because he’s super intelligent, but he doesn’t want his friends to know because they’ll think he’s a dork, so he’s not being his authentic self and its making him use.” Or, “He’s the oldest child, which means he needs to be everybody’s hero because that’s what oldest children think, and he can’t save everyone and this hurts, so he uses. Oh, and this also explains why he hangs out with low-lifes. Its because he NEEDS to save them.” And then there’s, “He grew up in a household with an addicted grandmother who lived there too and he saw everything that she got away with so he figures he can do the same crap.”
UGH. Make it stop.
When am I going to realize that I CANNOT save him? That the only way he can be saved is when HE decides to save himself? I can armchair psychiatrist all day long and its not going to make a damn difference, so just cut it out!
My phone is eerily quiet once again. When he is not incarcerated we talk and text every day and I do miss that. I just want my son back. But I fear that’s never going to happen. This will be his THIRD trip to prison. It occurs to me that some people function better when institutionalized, and I believe my son may be one of those people. When he is in prison he is clean, he gets a job in the jail, and he sounds like a normal person. I wonder if they can just keep him forever?