Posted by: addictionstinks | June 13, 2013

This Is The Part Where I Learn To Let Go

I got a letter from J yesterday. In it, he states that he is bisexual, has known he’s bisexual his whole life, and is in a relationship with Vince – the person he will be living with when he gets released. How much am I supposed to care about this? My emotions are purely selfish about this whole bit of news. First of all – I’ve known all along! I mean, duh!!! I’ve even told him, “If you are gay, just tell me! I’d rather have a gay son than an addict!” He assured me, “I’m not gay, I like girls way too much to be gay.” So now he’s declared himself bisexual. Whatever. The only thing I truly want is for my kid to figure out WHO he is, to be HAPPY with his decisions, to live his life CONSCIOUSLY each and every day, and to love AUTHENTICALLY.

So, what’s bugging me about this? First of all, Vince’s age – he’s about 17 years older than J. This makes me think that perhaps J “thinks” he wants to be in a relationship with him because Vince would/could “take care of” J. Let’s remember, J is a VERY SELFISH person who only has the ability to think of his own needs/wants and has NEVER been able to focus on anything more than that. So I’m not sure how AUTHENTIC this “relationship” truly is on his part. And I think Vince is actually a really nice person – and so its actually HIM I don’t want to be hurt by this! I’m afraid J will use the hell out of him to have a place to live and food in his belly and dump him as soon as a better offer comes along (probably from a girl).

J claims in the letter that “this is a reason he did drugs, because he was hiding who he truly was and he’s not going to hide it anymore”. News flash: He wasn’t hiding ANYTHING! As I’ve said, I knew! Everybody knew!

So, this is the part where mom “lets go”, and allows my son to make his own choices, his own mistakes and live his life the way HE CHOOSES, not the way I would like it to be. That’s hard. Cuz I just want him to be happy, preferably with a woman, and make me some grandbabies some day – LOL. Guess I just have to keep my damned mouth shut. Wish me luck!!



  1. Vince is a big boy. Don’t worry about him. The fact that J is 17 years his junior should be enough for him to realize that J might not be with him for the right reasons. J probably sees what Vince has to offer.

    Try and think of it as if J were a younger girl with an older man. That girl is with the older guy for a reason…most likely the security and lifestyle he can provide. It is no different here. You are right to let them sort it out.

    In the meantime, I am proud of you for being so excepting of him. J’s story just got more complicated. I wish you luck! 🙂

  2. Accepting….ugh

  3. Miss not hearing from you…hope all is well and here is a great big {{{{{HUG}}}}}. Our kids lead the craziest lives…I am glad you are able to except J for exactly who he is. One day he is going to appreciate that…hopefully very soon.

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