Posted by: addictionstinks | May 22, 2013

Just Sailing Along

We’re just sailing along over here. J is hanging out in the state prison again. He has a job in the kitchen there. Its actually a full-time job, so he says it makes the days go by faster. He’s all set to move to his friend Vince’s house when he gets out just before Thanksgiving. Vince lives close by the jail (which is about 6 hours from me), and visits him about once a week. This is good, so they can hash out “the rules” before J gets there.

My husband continues to be clueless. His drinking continues, worse than ever. I bitch about it and get mad, so then he just tries (and fails) to hide it. He often comes home from work smelling of alcohol, which means he spent his lunch with Margaritas at Pepes. He’s even lied to me and told me “traffic sucks really bad” so he could stop at the bar on the way home. The kids are frustrated, I’m frustrated. Tequila makes him mean. He’s not mean to me, other than the lying to me. He does however call the kids lovely things like “moron” and “idiot” and “useless fat ass”. Especially my middle son, who apparently can’t ever do anything right. So then I get mad as hell and flip my lid at him. Not sure how much longer I want to live with way. At almost 51 years old, I’m beginning to dream of a peaceful, loving existence for my older years, and this definitely does NOT fit the bill.

To that end, I have been working hard to make some money. My portrait photography business is a complete joke, so I’m looking for other avenues of income. Because if I say, “I’m done, I’m outta here”, I KNOW FOR A FACT that he will be gone in an instant – off to live in some faraway place other than Illinois, and we will never hear from him again. He WILL abandon me and the kids – of that I have NO DOUBT. And that might be ok when it happens, as I really feel that I have had about enough of addiction in my life!! For some reason he does not understand that I’ve dealt with this crap for long enough with J, so why the HELL would I want to continue dealing with addiction???

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Responses

  1. What are you waiting for? The only thing worse than living in hell for 20 years is living in hell for 20 years and one day. Live for you. Protect your children. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is it. When it’s lights out, it’s lights out. No retakes. Don’t live miserable. You deserve so much more. Your children deserve a mom who is healthy, emotionally and otherwise. You have played the good wife long enough.

    I know. I know. Easier written than done. On the other hand, better to start over at 50 than 60 or 65 or 70.

    I am on your side.

  2. Oh, and before I am misunderstood…I am not saying get a divorce. I’m not. I am saying go live YOUR life. If that means you and the kids leave for awhile…or he leaves…so be it. Raise his bottom, just like you’ve raised your son’s.

  3. Drinking is pretty much the way of life for alot of people in the midwest…just my observation. I’ve seen it all around me my whole life. Drinking is so a part of the norm. Go any place and people constantly are pushing me to have a drink – come on just one! I have no problem with someone having a drink or 2 but, why do you have to push everyone else to drink too?? Drives me crazy!! I want to say “I’ll stick with my water and I’ll remember what I said and did in the morning!” I use to be like the rest of them but, my sons addiction (and some health issues) made me realize it’s so not worth it. I know the frustration of a spouses drinking too. I hope today is a better day for you.

  4. We live eerily familiar lives…for some reason it is much easier for me to ignore my husbands drinking. My son’s drugging…not so much.


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