Posted by: addictionstinks | October 17, 2012

First Meeting

J has admitted (again) to continuing use of heroin. Last night he went to his first AA/NA meeting. Please pray!! He’s going to another tonight.

Now we are trying to decide – Suboxone or not? He wants it, I’m skeptical. I suppose I should let him have it if he wants it – after all, I don’t understand addiction like he does. He just wants to use it very short term (like a week or so) to get over that intital hump of withdrawal, which apparently can be a real bitch! Today he will wake up with no heroin (he got rid of everything) and we have no Suboxone, so he will have to deal with it.

I actually figured out what worked to get his attention. Over the years I have talked to him ’til I’m blue in the face, given him my wisdom, my encouragement when he did well, my bitching when he deserved it. I’ve been brutally honest about how this has affected our relationship and our family. I’ve gotten angry, I’ve yelled. Yesterday, I went SILENT. Not a word. Saw him in the kitchen and just walked past. Ignored his texts and didn’t take his phone calls. Total silence. Then at the end of the day I told him, “I cannot save you, but I can save myself. And I will. I will NOT participate in your addiction anymore so I am now silent. This is what it feels like to lose your mother. And I will do it permanently if I have to – its not that hard.”

Shortly after, he went to his first meeting.

In other news, its my 25 year anniversary with my husband today. It certainly has NOT been an easy 25 years, mostly because of dealing with an addict child. Most days its very difficult to come together on how to handle him. We went out to dinner over the weekend to celebrate, so tonight we will do what we love best – work together in the kitchen to prepare a meal together. He’s my “chopper guy” (chops the veggies) and then I put it all together and cook it. We love to come together over good food and a glass of wine! Sounds like a perfect way to spend my anniversary evening!

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