Posted by: addictionstinks | October 16, 2012

I’m Tired…

I don’t think he’s shooting up anymore. Now he just takes Hydrocodone pills instead in order to get his opiate fix. I found the empty packages in his coat pocket, along with a (fake) gold necklace that I recognized as my recently-passed-away mother-in-law’s.

He also stole her pearls and some other gold chains. Got those back last night, before he managed to pawn them. He claims he “just wanted something of hers to remember her by”. Yeah, right. He couldn’t stand her!! Wanted nothing to do with her while she was alive. And everything he stole was either pearls or gold, he didn’t take any jewelry that wouldn’t be worth anything.

Oh, and $60 is missing from my wallet.

Oh, and he’s dropped out of school. Again.

He also got fired from his job when they found out about his record. So, he doesn’t work, he doesn’t go to school. However, he DOES get stoned!

At this point, I’m not even speaking to him. He just said “Hi” to me this morning and I ignored him completely. I pretty much want NOTHING whatsoever to do with him anymore. I really don’t want to kick him out because he’ll probably just go kill himself with drugs – we’ve done that once already and he almost died. So instead I’ll just pretend he’s not even here. I have no interest anymore.

I hate my son.

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Responses

  1. Oh no. Sorry you have to go thrugh this. That is no way to live. Doing drugs in your home is off limits! You could lose everything. If that is what he does, he has to move out. He will kill himself in your house or somewhere else, if that is what he wants to do. Please protect yourself and your family.
    Hugs to you.

  2. Gosh. I am saddened. But, not surprised. I had such high ( pardon the pun) hopes for my daughter. And, like your son, they didn’t come to fruition. Kicking him out, is……is…..your salvation, and perhaps His. Yes, he COULD in FACT, die. But, that could also happen right in his bedroom, IN YOUR HOME. At this point, I think you need to re-claim YOUR life. IMHO. {{{{Hugs}}}}

  3. You don’t hate him, it’s the ADDICTION that you hate, just like all of us in this suck-ass club. I am afraid my son is going to relapse soon as well. There was 4 dollars missing from my daughter”s wallet the other day. When I blogged about it, someone questioned why since it was so little of an amount of money? It’s because it’s starting again. The stealing, the lying, him acting like I am victimizing him when I question.I agree with Helga, please protect yourself , the others in your family and your home. I intend to do it. If he comes to harm when he has to leave, so be it.

  4. I have felt like this so very many times. My son, uhrgh! I was so angry I actually slapped him once. He just hurt me so bad that I didn’t know what eIse to do! I was just so hurt by all the lies and that lie, and well, the other lies. He even conned his little sister out of her $100 birthday money. He stole my elderly mother’s money as she was adeled–she thought she was paying his rent. But, she paid it 3 times in one month. Odd though, he never stole from me… He just lied, constantly. He even lied about things that he didn’t even need to lie about. It was weird. It was like he was living in a novel plot. He just kept trying to completely reinvent himself. It was so unexplanable. I just couldn’t understand why everything Matthew said was an obvious lie.

    I did learn something though, after years. They lie to you as much as they lie to themselves. And, these addicts hate themselves more than you hate them. I believe that is what fuels a good part of the addiction.

    I learned to remember, it’s only money. It may seem like more, but in the end it really is only money. Money comes and goes. It’s worth is up to the market value. Your son doesn’t see it like you do. And, I am certain he feels quite shamed for his inability to have any self-control.

    Doesn’t help you any though. Like I said, I know this feeling so well.
    And, I will boldly say that I so very much disagree with Sheri, respectfully.

    Consider all you have already spent on food, toys, camp, schooling, sports…. Would you honestly throw that away for some pieces of gold? He is your gold. If I were you I would look at this like a hostle take over by a big corporation. Throw all your money at it! Save the company as retirement is pretty lonely without those you love. His harm will mean years of ‘would haves’ and ‘could haves’. Think of him as your 5 year old again. Keep him from walking across the street without holding your hand! Force him, trick him, love him into it. This is war! Be smart not angry. This doesn’t mean to give over your posessions for resale. This means store them so as not to put the temptation in his way.
    Imagine that he had cancer. What would you do? Would you quit your job to stay by his bed? Would you move to a better climate? Would you pick him up from work so that he had a safe way home? Than do that! Heroin plays for keeps. You need to outsmart it.

    You can do this! You are smarter than this! Put on that smirk and go get herion!!! Think of this like taking on that prom queen that just stole your date. This needs savvy, tactics, and a positive self-imagine. So, put on your prom dress and saunter down that run-way. Show herion that this is your kid and you are willing to do anything to keep your kid. Heck, trick him into going to the desert for a couple weeks! You don’t need to play fair! No one else has up to this point! Win one for the gipper! Please, save this one kid from the grave.

    All you ladies may not like my interjection into this converstation. And, if this had been several years ago I assure you I would have been leading the charge in indignation and disgust at the whole situation. But, I lost my date! I am standing at prom alone! I screwed up! I now realize all the things I could have done. I was often too tired, too concerned with keeping my job, and too angry to care. I seriously just didn’t want to hear that phone ring. Stupid, stupid me. Oh, to do it all over again.

    So, come on all you soccer moms! Game on!

    Jane


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