Posted by: addictionstinks | September 10, 2012

Again, its been…

Again, its been a long time since I’ve been here. My apologies. Its been crazy busy around my house lately.

Hubby’s mother passed away a couple of weeks ago. She was 74, and also an addict – addicted to Hydrocodone for many many years. She had a heart attack. Other than the necessary requirements when someone dies, we hardly noticed a blip on our daily lives. Nobody cried. She was a pain in the ass for many years. Not even her sons cried – they buried her and moved along. Kinda sad really, that that’s pretty much what an addict’s life becomes after many years of addiction. Your family is actually relieved and (dare I say it), glad when you are gone.

As for my J – I suspect he’s still using. Same old crap. Deny deny deny. But today his eyes are rolling all wonky like Cookie Monster’s and he’s nodding off. And scratching himself everywhere in between the nods.

Funny thing is, he’s actually going to school to become a drug and alcohol counselor. Ironic? I agree. I actually think its just a front for his own using.

He’s become very good at lying about it. He actually gets offended when I accuse him of being high. Its almost quite convincing. Almost, but not quite. I’m not buyin’ it.

Today I feel discouraged. That this is never gonna end. That he’s never gonna stop. That some day he’s gonna kill himself with this stupid shit, and I’m gonna be relieved.

 

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Responses

  1. I could have written this post and I am afraid too. He thinks I am stupid…I am just tired. Working the energy up to throw his ass out the door.

  2. I’ve felt the exact same way. Sending you a hug. Wish there was an end in site for so many of us, but it seems to go on and on…

  3. I have felt like that as well that I would be relieved until I found him close to death from an overdose lying on the floor gurgling they call it the death gurgle. I have never prayed and begged God more in my entire life than I did the 20 mins they were working on him and he did live. I will be praying for your son it is just horrible what we go through. I have peace for a month as he is inpatient right now.


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