Posted by: addictionstinks | January 1, 2012

Happy Frickin’ New Year.

I’m starting off the new year disappointed, sad, and with a bad attitude.

I’ve really had it with my husband’s drinking! Last night, after drinking almost the entire bottle of Camarena (Tequila), shortly before midnight I asked him to be done cuz he was wasted enough. He got pissed at ME and “had to go for a walk”. Twice. So as we were counting down to 2012 he’s nowhere to be found, and I have no idea where he even is, because he didn’t even tell me he needed to go for a walk – he apparently just simply left. So I texted him, “where are you?” and when he took his phone out of his pocket to see the text, he dropped the phone and the back fell off and his drunk ass couldn’t find it. This also somehow became all my fault. So instead of a New’s Years kiss, I got New Year’s bitched at. Lovely. I’m over it.

This is EVERY.DAY. Every day he comes home from work and starts mixing Margaritas and doesn’t stop. Every day he goes out to Pepe’s for lunch and has a margarita with his lunch. I’ve asked him to stop doing that because its super expensive! Our company is suffering through this awful economy, and he’s spending 20 bucks EVERY DAY on lunch with a drink or two. EVERY DAY. Meanwhile, I buy the 88 cent Banquet frozen dinners from the grocery store, and that’s my lunch.

He’s an addict. Just like my son. And I’m tired of it. Three years he quit smoking (a three pack a day habit) because one of our friends’ little 12-year-old girl told him she hated it. So he traded smoking for drinking like a maniac instead, and now when I ask him to quit, he won’t! I tell him “it hurts me and it hurts  your kids”. Nothing changed. WTF?? Every day the kids say something about his drinking. Every day he still does it. Apparently some 12 year old kid that he sees once a year (they live far away) means more to him than his own family.

So, its New Years Day and I feel I have some decisions to make this year. I’m really really tired of this whole thing. I ask him, “what’s the matter with reality?” and I get no answer. Apparently his reality just sucks, and we all suck, because he has to drink us away. This is very hurtful to me, and to the rest of the kids. In true selfish addict fashion, that doesn’t matter.

Pissed off. Sad. Bad attitude.

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Responses

  1. I’m sorry you’re going through this,….it’s awful, especially with all you’ve already dealt with regarding addiction. But I am sure of one thing,…alcoholism is a biologically based diseased & it has everything to do with how your husband feels about himself,… Not about you, his kids, or whether he loves you enough or not. I’m sorry & will pray for him & you.

  2. And by the way,.is that Pepe’s pizza of which you speak ? I know it well , if that’s what you mean.

  3. I think that one of the saddest things about alcoholism is not only what it does to the alcoholic but what it does to those who live with the alcoholic. I wish that I had known about Al-Anon years earlier than I did. But finally, I got to such a point that I went to a meeting. What a difference it has made in my life. Perhaps it is time for you to make that step to get to an Al-Anon meeting. It helps, it really does.

  4. I”m a member of the shitty new year’s club too. And this is going to sound trite and annoying cause you and I have both heard it a million times. Its true: you have to take care of yourself and your kids. I used to feel sad that Keven was an only child, not I rejoice in it because its one less thing his addiction can damage. I also don’t know what if feels like to have a husband, let alone one who drinks. But I do know that you are a valuable person that deserves a better life. Your husband might not seek help until his life is miserable (like if you left or made him leave). I don’t know. I really just want to say I care and I am here for you and we can’t give up hope that our lives can get better. Sadly we have no control over the lives of our loved ones.

  5. I’m a member of the shitty new year’s club too. And this is going to sound trite and annoying cause you and I have both heard it a million times. Its true: you have to take care of yourself and your kids. I used to feel sad that Keven was an only child, not I rejoice in it because its one less thing his addiction can damage. I also don’t know what if feels like to have a husband, let alone one who drinks. But I do know that you are a valuable person that deserves a better life. Your husband might not seek help until his life is miserable (like if you left or made him leave). I don’t know. I really just want to say I care and I am here for you and we can’t give up hope that our lives can get better. Sadly we have no control over the lives of our loved ones.

  6. Oh my we can join each others pity party….and apparently we really are living parallel lives. Sucks…

  7. So very sorry for your pain. We are praying for you and yours, asking for peace and renewal, deliverance from addiction, hope for the new year.

    Hang in there,
    Cheri


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