Posted by: addictionstinks | November 7, 2011

There Used To Be A Time…

There used to be a time when I thought I could save them all. I remember Marcus especially, sitting at my kitchen counter talking about how he didn’t want to go back to juvee, after getting into trouble yet again, at 16 years old. I remember giving him the motherly advice, to “just go and get it done and then stay out of trouble. Everything will be okay.” I even allowed him to move in to my home, so he could find a job. He didn’t. He went on to rip off just about everything I owned, along with J. They pawned the stuff and went and bought drugs with the money. I kicked them both out. That was just the beginning of J’s friends effing me over. The lies. The stealing. Oh, they got me good! But at the beginning, when this all started, I really thought I could love them all through this. I really thought I could pray hard enough for all of us. I really thought I could make them all better.

I am jaded.

Today, years later now, J brought a new friend home. I’ve never met Cody. I have no idea who he is, or what he does, or if he gets into trouble. I only know that J introduced me to him, and my first thought was, “Hide my purse! Stash my stuff!”

Sad, really. I cannot trust anybody anymore. Despite the fact that J is doing very well, and seems to be staying clean and out of trouble. This is my own deal – I need to figure out how to get past the past. It’s sooooooooooo hard!

Any advice??

 

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Responses

  1. I reserve the right to be guarded around situations that have burned me in the past. I take care of myself. I believe that is a good thing. No one can love another into changing. We can be the change that we want to see.

    • Yep, I reserve the right to be guarded too. And J totally understands. It just kind of makes me sad though.

  2. It is a hard thing to get over – What Syd says makes good sense. Once trust has been broken it’s a hard thing to get back – especially after many, many years of not trusting. My rule is my son will never live in my home again and his friends are never welcome. It is what it is – Adult children are not suppose to live with their parents, it just doesn’t work.


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