Posted by: addictionstinks | September 16, 2011

It’s a Father/Son Weekend

My hubby and J are at the NASCAR races this weekend. They are in our motorhome, camping in the infield since yesterday. Hubby is calling it “The Total NASCAR Immersion Weekend”. They got pit passes and everything. To say they are having a great time would be an understatment. This is J’s dream!!!

I just talked to J on the phone and he says he was down by the pits talking to some guy with a Hendricks Motorsports t-shirt on who was telling him this is only his 6th race working for Hendricks Motorsports. He went to school and got a Bachelor’s Degree in Automotive Technology, then moved to North Carolina and started knocking on some doors, and got a job with Hendricks! This is J’s goal. He’s in school taking the classes and LOVING every minute of it!! So to have met someone who has succeeded in HIS goal is awesome for him!!

As for my last post, I seriously think I am the one with the problem. I think I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Is that possible? I totally freak out every time J leaves the house and I don’t know where he is. He’s 22 years old for God’s sake – he’s not supposed to want to hang out with his parents! DUH!! He has truly given me no indication that he is using again. My eyes are wide open tho!! Parole will be here to visit next Friday and maybe the guy will piss test him. I just need to realize that it’s HIS problem if he screws up, not mine. With God’s help, I’m getting there. In the meantime, I continue to be a totally spastic bitch-mother from hell who freaks out constantly and I’m surprised J even wants to live in the same state as me right now. Seriously. I need to calm the fuck down!!

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Responses

  1. Ohhh, so yeah, I’m not so sure that you are the problem….see J, well, J just got out of prison-jail. And J has a safe place to live, free food and hot water, supportive people….

    And you worrying all day, well, if we aren’t supportive J will go back to using.

    Sounds an awful lot like situational manipulation to me. Now…you are even starting to doubt yourself.

    So, when did J’s addiction and all of the related issues become YOUR problem? Why is it okay that you worry that no one will hire him. Why is it YOUR worry about any of this?

    Helping your son is one thing, taking this much responsibility…worries me. You are starting to doubt YOUR sanity. YOU did not become addicted, YOU were not incarcerated, YOU are not the problem.

    j is 22 years old. Okay, jail and all that, but it’s time for J to man up, work at McDonalds or whatever he can get, continue in school, pay rent and get his own place.

    And, its time for you to live your life, and quit living J’s for him.

    ((Hugs))

  2. Agree with Dawn wholeheartedly. It isn’t your job to baby him any longer. If you continue to do so, then please realize exactly what you’ve signed up for. Sometimes Dawn M. is brash and lets you have it, but she’s given me the best advice, the advice no one else would give me, and she always tells the truth exactly as you need to hear it. I hope you won’t take offense… but please know that you aren’t a bad person if you decide that J need to be responsible for his own life.

  3. Dawn said it. Living my own life is the best thing I could do. You cannot prevent him from using. It sounds to me like you may need to get to a meeting. I learned to detach and to let go. I regained my life.

  4. Amen to everything Dawn has said.

    It’s time you revisited Melanie Beattie’s “Co-dependent No More”. You need especially to re-read the chapter on Detachment.

    J needs to leave the nest. You need to get your life back and that will never happen while he is living in your house.

    He’s a grown man and needs to start acting like one.

  5. NASCAR! I love it! Sounds like a fantastic time for both of them, something they will be talking about for a long time.

    I won’t say anything on the other topic. I understand how it is. We know better, but we still have to constantly work at detachment. Your a total spastic bitch mother from hell because of J’s addiction and what its done to you. Keep working on it. I’m with ya.


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