Posted by: addictionstinks | January 19, 2011

22 Years Ago Today

22 years ago today, I became a mother for the first time. I remember being pregnant with J like it was yesterday. I remember all the hopes and dreams I had for my child. I remember after my baby shower, going through and washing all the tiny little outfits and hanging them neatly in the closet in his cute little bedroom. Fondling each one lovingly, not even believing that soon they would be filled by a tiny baby. I remember feeling him kicking in my belly, each kick letting me know that he was healthy and happy and would soon join our family.

There’s absolutely no feeling in the world that can beat being pregnant, especially the first time. There are no words to describe the elation, anticipation, happiness.


And now? He sits in prison for his drug crimes. I would NEVER have anticipated this 22 years ago today. 22 years ago today he was perfect. He was the cutest baby in the world. He was the smartest baby ever. He was going to be president some day. Or at least president of his own company. He was destined for all things great.

Drug addict/criminal was NOT EVEN on the radar.

Oh, if only we could bottle Mom’s Disappointment And Sadness and sell it to every teenager who’s thinking about trying drugs today. So that they may understand how much they’re about to hurt their Mommas. We could cure drug addiction with just one drop.

If only we could…

Happy Birthday J!!



  1. Happy Birthday Dear J and happy giving birth day 22 years ago to you.

    I can feel every word you wrote. Being pregnant with Keven was one of the greatest times of my life (first, last and only child). If someone would have told us our sweet babies would grow up to do such horrible things we would have thought they were insane or evil to even think such a thing.

    Its a disease. I believe that. I hope that J’s time in prison is the final chapter in his drug use. Its sad when they end up in there but sometimes it makes a difference.

  2. I don’t think even what you bottle would stop an addict. It is a disease of the body, mind and spirit. Addicts don’t choose to be the way they are. They aren’t doing this for laughs. It is a miserable existence. But it is a sickness. I’m sorry that you are sad. He is a different person today from the little boy. But the little boy is still inside him, I bet.

  3. It’s so sad to have unmet expectations, isn’t it? Hearing your heart today,


  4. (hug!)

    I am praying. Hoping you see a glimpse of the real him, every now and then, and praying that he soon chooses recovery. And especially praying for your heart to be lifted and for you to feel hope.

  5. I just read this now,…5 days later. I can relate to what your feelings were as a new mother….so very much. And I hate the pain that your heart bears now. I’m praying for your son’s recovery and for hope to remain in you,… can happen, and you can have joy and your real son back. I hate addiction. I’m sorry for your pain, …please try to be good for yourself. This disease isn’t at all fair. Blessings to you.

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