Posted by: addictionstinks | September 18, 2010

A Difficult Evening

Its been a rather difficult evening for me today. Heck, its been a difficult few weeks. For some reason, I am reaaaaaaallllyyyy missing J. A lot. Perhaps I need to schedule another visit down there. Although it really doesn’t help much to visit him. I want him back, in my life, at my house (visiting of course, not livin here).

So I’ve been super sad lately. And then the kicker comes…

J’s very best friend since kindergarten’s dad passed away this week. J and Scott have been BFFs since they were 5 years old. These two were the Masters of Disaster together. The Kings of the Hair-Brained Schemes. They were inseparable. Scott was born missing his left arm from just below the elbow down. This never bothered J. In fact, when nobody else wanted to be Scott’s friend (kids are so cruel!), J was always there. Scott was at my house on almost a daily basis. He would walk in my door after school, throw his prosthetic arm on the floor (his mom made him wear it to school and he HATED that thing), and proceed to cook up some hair-brained scheme with J. As they grew older, and we moved a couple of towns over, they still stayed in touch. Walter (Scott’s dad) would pick J up at our house and they would all do things together. Walter was a great man – a great father to Scott, and just an all around awesome guy.

As more years passed, and J started down the road of drug abuse, Scott kind of backed off. J would call him and want to get together, but Scott would somehow always have an excuse. Can’t blame the kid. He wanted NOTHING to do with the road J was choosing.

J told me a couple of years ago that Walter was ill. He had cancer. And then I saw on Scott’s Facebook page the other day that Walter had passed. So sad.

So when J called me the next day, I told him that Walter had died. He said, “I wish you hadn’t of told me that.” And I said, “Why?” His response, “Cuz I should be there with my best friend.” “Yes”, I said, “you should be there with your best friend. But you’re not because of your choices. But I”m NOT going to hold anything back, or not tell you things because it will make you sad.” Anyways, he said he would write Scott and let him know that he is sorry.

So I just got back from Walter’s memorial service. At this point, Scott and J haven’t spoken in quite some time, and Scott doesn’t even know where J is. I saw Scott at the service, gave him a big hug, told him I’m so sorry, and with tears running down my cheeks, told him what J said about that he should be there with his best friend. I didn’t go into where J is; I just told Scott that we would talk later. I was already being a big enough blubbering idiot.

Another important happening missed for J. He SHOULD be here, right next to his best buddy in the whole world, helping him get through this. Scott’s never had a lot of friends, and J was the one guy that ALWAYS stuck by Scott’s side – but he can’t now, at this most important time in Scott’s life.

Seems that Scott is doing well though! He’s going to college and studying engineering. He’s grown into a fine young man. I’m very proud of him and all that he will become.

R.I.P. Walter.



  1. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope the sadness lifts soon. Its so difficult if they are near OR far. Its hard either way.

  2. Yes, he should be there, but like you wrote, Scott is doing well. I am sorry about Walter. And sad that J’s drug use pulled apart the friendship. Amends can be made when J is ready to make them. That is what the promise of recovery is. We can make the amends and stand up once again without shame and guilt. Awesome I think.

  3. I am sorry you are feeling down and missing J…I really do know what this feels like. I was going to say I hope you feel better soon but it feels a little bit hollow at the moment. You will feel better when the time is right. I think we sometimes mourn in small doses. First I mourned the loss of his college career, then I went on to mourn every dream I ever had for him. Those dreams still pop up and I still continue to mourn them.

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