Posted by: addictionstinks | August 12, 2010

Visiting Day

Today Patsy and I drove down to see J. Its about a 2-1/2 hour drive each direction to get there. We had a good time tho! On the way down, we stopped once at a rest stop to stretch and walk around, and then again at Cracker Barrel for a nice big lunch right before we got there. It was kind of fun making it into a girlie road trip with her.

The visit went well. We stayed for a little over 3 hours, and just sat at the table and talked the whole time. And I bought J a sandwich and a couple of pops from the vending machines. All of meat they eat in there is actually soy, so he really savored the sandwich with REAL salami and bologna on it – LOL.

It was nice to see him, I guess. Its still heartbreaking leaving him behind when we go, but I just keep telling myself that HE did this to himself, and that’s its good for him to suffer a bit and feel lonely after we leave. That’s what will help him to learn to NEVER do this again. He actually said it wasn’t so bad in there. He likes his cell-mate – they get along well, and he has a television (something I REFUSE to buy for J – this is NOT the Holiday Inn!) I guess his cellie lets him watch his TV, and he’s even got a splitter and an extra set of headphones so they can both watch.

I figure maybe we’ll go and visit him once every couple of months, since it is so far, and since I really want him to feel the loneliness of missing us.

Oh, and I did get some validation too! We were talking and I told J I wanted him to move to N-ville when he gets out, because that’s where we lived until he was 12, and its all rosy sunshine and good memories for him, which I think would be good for him. Then he says, “Yeah and then you messed me all up by moving us to Y-ville!” I of course said, “Oh no, don’t you dare blame this on me!” And he said, “Yeah I know, you did everything right, you did everything perfect. I messed up my life.” WOW! Felt good to be validated in that way. Didn’t cause it, couldn’t control, can’t cure it! Even my son will admit that now! WOOT!!!




  1. How quickly those who are addicted like to place the blame on others. Glad that you didn’t accept what was tossed your way.

  2. Nice when the addict accepts the responsibility. Glad you had such a nice girlie road trip and a good visit.


  3. Glad you and Patsy had a nice day visiting J! I hope this time in jail serves J well…we can only hope!!

  4. You are a very healthy woman! Living those 3 C’s! I am trying! Glad it was a good visit.

  5. Sounds like a positive visit – especially his revelation and/or admission that he chose his path and it had nothing to do with you!!!

    It sounds exactly like where I visited Anthony last week…really low tables in a room full of vending machines.

    That’s a long drive. I bet he loved every moment of having you both there.

  6. Sounds like he is ready to accept and be accountable for his own mistakes. That is an awesome step toward recovery. I pray he continues to take ownership of his addiction and his recovery. God bless you all.

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