Posted by: addictionstinks | June 4, 2010

Gift Ideas Please

J’s girlfriend graduated from high school on Sunday (same day as my son). Tomorrow is her graduation party. It is being held at the house of one of her family friends. Her parents don’t have the means to hold the party themselves, or the electricity (its shut off for non-payment).

Anyhow, I need gift ideas. If I give P cash, her family will take it. If I give P a gift card, her family will take it. She was here at my house the other day, and was very concerned about getting home to get her mail, just in case somebody sent her a graduation card containing money, before her family could take it.

They are mooches – all of them. Mom is an addict (Hydrocodone/Muscle Relaxers), Mom’s boyfriend is unemployed, none of them work. The sister has never held a job for more than about 2 days. There’s no reason for this. Now, I’m all for helping out “those in need”, but not these “those in need”. Cuz I know if Mom got any money, she would spend it on more drugs. And they are mooches. The sister called me a couple of weeks ago, trying to mooch $20 from me, supposedly to buy gas for a friend’s car so she could get to a job (which was BS I’m sure). I told her NO. The other day we brought P home after visiting our house, and there were groceries in the back of the car, and Mom’s boyfriend says, “Oh you brought us some food!” Uh, no. It was our food.

As I said, I’m all for helping out, but the Good Lord helps those who help themselves, and these people are NOT helping themselves, not even trying. Mom’s boyfriend is trying to find work (I’ll give him a little credit), but at this point he’s applying for about 1 job every 2 months, and then sitting back and waiting to see what happens. In other words, he’s not trying very hard. Mom COULD work, if she would get out of her addiction, get off her ass and start contributing to the human race – which she chooses not to do. The sister COULD work, if she would get off her ass and decide to contribute as well.

This leaves me with a huge dilemma. P is a great kid, despite her family. Since graduating on Sunday (the first in her family to do so), she’s been applying for jobs. In fact, she was looking even before graduation and applied at a couple of places. She wants OUT.

I would like to give her a gift in honor of her graduation, but what??? It needs to be something that the mooches cannot get their hands on!

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Responses

  1. What a difficult dilemna! It drives me nuts when people who can help themselves DON’T and then they expect others to take care of them.
    I don’t know what to say about the gift. Does she have interview clothes? That might be an idea. Or a piece of jewelry? As long as her family wouldn’t pawn it, that could be a nice momento.
    Let us know what you decide…
    Carolyn

  2. How sad is it that P can’t trust even her own mother?!?! It’s pathetic really and I feel very sorry for her that she doesn’t have any kind of meaningful relationship with her mom.

    You could get her a gift card and tell her that you’ll hold onto for her until the two of you can go shopping together for whatever it is she might want. I think a nice idea would be to plan a day where ya’ll could do lunch and then shopping for her to use the gift card. Sinse I don’t know her I can’t say for sure, but this might be something that would mean a lot to her since I’m sure her mother has never thought of doing something like this for her. Just a suggestion!

    One last thought…isn’t it ironic that P’s mother has no idea how fortunate she is to have a good kid with dreams and goals for her life? But then no one ever said that life was fair. I think it’s wonderful that P has you and your husband in her life!!

  3. Love Kristi’s idea. I was going to suggest something similar – a congratulatory card, with a written note inside on the card stating that you would like to take her for a girls’ day out, for lunch and shopping for a special gift.

    I hope she can rise above her current circumstances and enjoy the benefits of having perservered and finished school! It sounds like she could have quit and no one would have cared! I will pray for her to have a good job and for doors to open for her to find a healthier place to call home…. She sounds like a special young woman!

    Hugs!

  4. hmmm. me? I think i would decide on an amount of money….and give her a nice card….with nothing in it and pull her aside and say.

    i have this amount of $ for you for a graduation gift. As soon as you are away at college or in your own place…you are going to NEED it. I will keep it for you till then.

    and then give her a BIG HUG and tell her how incredibly proud of her you are for all she has accomplished up against such bad odds, and how you believe in her ability to do anything she wants to.

    but thats just me.

  5. I was thinking a nice ring or necklace until I read Krisit’s idea, which I think is fantastic. Maybe just make a girls day and go shopping with her, lunch, maybe a movie or pedicure. What a great memory that would be for her to celebrate such an accomplishment. She sounds like a strong and determined young girl that will go far in life, she is very lucky to have you all in her life, as are you to have her.

  6. Give her a place to live. Maybe ask her to pay a little bit of rent. I am sure she can stay in your son’s room. Maybe a new environment will help.


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