Posted by: addictionstinks | May 23, 2010

Sweet Supportive Family

What a gorgeous weekend here in the midwest! The sun is shining, the temperatures are rising. Looks like summer has arrived!

Yesterday we had some family members over for BBQ ribs, swimming and fun. I hadn’t caught up with my sister-in-law in a while, and she wasn’t aware of the status of J. Last we had talked was when he had gotten kicked out of rehab.

So, I caught her up on the whole story of how he flunked his pee test, skipped court, had a warrant issued, got arrested, and is now in holding at Stateville waiting to go to prison. This whole time I’m tearing up, as usual.

She asked again, as she’s asked before, if she could write him, or send him some books. Just to let him know that the family is supporting him in some small way. I told her not to write now, as its my understanding that most letters don’t even get to their recipients while they are in holding.

All the while, as I’m tearfully relating our latest story, she’s listening with tears in her eyes as well.

Its so nice to have someone that tries to understand all that I’m feeling through all of this, and is willing to be supportive. Sometimes (make that most times) I’m embarrassed to talk to family members about J’s troubles. I just feel like they’re secretly saying, “He deserves all of this – what a rotten kid!” behind my back (not that I’d blame them, but still…).

Other family members ask about him, and I’ll tell them what’s going on, but none, other than this sister-in-law has ever volunteered to stay in contact with him, or offered support other than listening to what’s happening, and basically saying, “That sucks.” I’m sure its because they really don’t know what to say. I know I wouldn’t if the shoe was on the other foot.

I even have a best friend that when I talk to her about this will say hurtful things to cut him down. I KNOW all these things already, thankyouverymuch, and really don’t need to hear how stupid, annoying, idiotic my kid is.

Anyways, to those of you out there that are going through this with your own children, thank those around you who try to understand and support you.

And for you supporters out there who may read this, a heartfelt “Thank You!” for being there for us. Your kind words, deeds, and actions mean so much to us. All I can say is “just be there”, with a listening ear, and a kind heart. It means the world!!!!



  1. Sounds like a good family time. I like your sis-in-law! We all need as much support as we can get in these times…thank YOU too.

  2. Our troubled children are still our children (okay, maybe young men now). I don’t defend my son like I use to. The tough thing for me is that my family won’t mention him at he’s a bad secret. I do mention him, often, and let them know the progress he is making because it is important. I grew up with shame and I am stopping the cycle. Every kid deserves to be loved, no matter what.


  3. What a blessing that you have this caring sister-in-law, it sounds like she has a servants heart!! It’s obvious from your post that she genuinely cares and how wonderful is that!! The world would be a better place with more people that genuinely cared about others and what they go through. Glad you had a good weekend…we need more of those too!! 

  4. I’m glad that you do have someone that you can talk to. It really does help. I am glad to have my sponsor and others in the fellowship to help me sort things out when my head is muddled.

  5. It makes such a difference to have someone you can talk to, share your feelings with and be able to hug and have that eye contact. I am so glad you have a special sister-in-law to do that with. You have been a great support to so many, so thank you right back!

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