Posted by: addictionstinks | May 16, 2010

I Miss My Son

I miss my son. Feeling a little down right now. Its an absolutely gorgeous day here in the midwest, and I’ve spent the better part of today planting flowers around the pool. Back in the day, J would have been out there with me, getting dirty and laughing right along side me.

Today is his best friend’s 21st birthday. Scott and J have been BFF’s since kindergarten. Scott was born missing one arm below the elbow, and when they were young, pretty much nobody wanted to be around him – except J. My son with the huge heart befriended this kid that nobody else would, and for many many years they’ve been wreaking havoc together. Nothing ever terrible mind you, just silly hair-brained schemes that only boys could come up with. Scott has gone on to graduate high school, and is attending college in his hometown. He and J haven’t wreaked havoc together in a couple of years, probably because Scott was smart enough to not have anything to do with J’s lifestyle – and I’m proud of him for that! He is one of the great friends that has become a lost friend due to J’s lifestyle, and its sad. They should be together today – hitting up the bar for a drink, making up some more hair-brained silly things to do.

It shouldn’t have to be like this.

Couple this with the fact that its now graduation time. I read on Facebook about friend’s kids that are graduating – high school or college. I’m so incredibly proud for these parents and kids. And I’m sad that its not me being able to shout to the world what a great kid MY son is.

It shouldn’t have to be like this.

Instead I just miss him. I miss having him here with me. I miss the possibilities of what could have been. I miss the craziness. Most of all I miss what J could have become. Instead he’s become an incarcerated felon.

It shouln’t have to be like this!!!

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Responses

  1. You are so right…it shouldn’t be like this. I understand what you miss, all that promise for a fresh and beautiful future ruined. Things may get better and things may change but it will not be the same. I think I mourn that everyday.

  2. but…it is.

  3. I miss my daughter too. I miss her company. It’s hard to believe that she does not want anything to do with me anymore, but I know it’s for the better and it saves my life. How twisted. Never envision it like that. Hang in there.

  4. No, it shouldn’t have to be like this. I went through this last year when Kev’s friends all graduated and he was in jail. Its so sad. None of us planned for this life, that’s for sure. Let’s keep hoping that things get better.

  5. I miss mine too. Now, instead of thinking about my son graduating from college, having a great career, family, etc., I hope for him to just be clean and functional in life, to have a job and housing on his own. What a difference our perspective is once addiction wreaks havoc. Dawn is right, we wish it wasn’t, but it is.

  6. I have gratitude that my son is alive and in recovery…and believe that anything is possible… who knows he may start his own business some day or go to college…he has the rest of his life! What’s most important is that he makes the most out of each day that he is given and if he makes a positive difference in someone else’s life, then I’m a proud mother!

  7. The “shoulds” haven’t helped me to see reality. It is the way that it is and there is nothing that I can do to undo the past. My choice is to make today a happy day for myself. What others do with their lives is their business. Everyone has issues and problems. No one escapes the complexities of living. Once I realized that, then I could be grateful for all that I do have, flawed or not.

  8. Just a little word of encouragement about graduation…I will finally be graduating from college next year. I will be 36 years old, but I WILL be graduating. My sister, who is 13 years younger, just graduated from college. My parents were so proud. My mother told me after her graduation how excited she is going to be to do my graduation next year. She told me that even though my sister graduated with honors and is going to medical school now, my graduation from college will make her most proud.
    Your son can go to college any time, and if he is 36 when he finally graduates…that is ok. He can, and will get there one day!

  9. A wide range of viewpoints here, isn’t there?! I think they all are true. It is what it is. It’s not what I had in mind. It’s going to have to be up to my daughter to decide what she wants in life. And anything is possible. I will never give up hope that she will indeed find her way to a life of sobriety and possibilities. I pray this for your son too.


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