Posted by: addictionstinks | May 12, 2010

4 Months Turns Into 10

So J called me last night and asked if I could pop up there to see him. He wanted to talk to me. Since I had to go to Target anyways (which is right across the street), I did pop in.

Through tear-filled eyes he told me, “I can’t do this without you.” I guess our last conversation, where I essentially dropped my son like a hot potato, had an effect. By the same token tho, I told him that we are gonna do things on MY terms. “If I don’t feel like answering the phone and talking to you, I’m NOT gonna answer the phone. And don’t call the phone 12 times hoping I’ll answer, cuz then I’m NOT gonna answer the phone for another 2 weeks, just so you’ll get the clue. And if I don’t feel like visiting you, I’m NOT gonna visit you! So don’t keep asking me to visit you, cuz then I’m not gonna visit you.” Anyways, you get the drift. Basically it boils down to, “I’m done being crapped on thankyouverymuch, and I’m not gonna allow it anymore.”

I also told him that his girlfriend is about 1 second and 1 cute guy away from dumping his butt.

I’m mean.

He then informed me that “They are not doing the 6-month off for good time right now, so it looks like I’m gonna be in the joint for 10 months”.

Awesome! I didn’t think those 4 months were a big enough kick in the teeth for him.

I’m mean.

But this means that he gets to miss Thanksgiving (again), Christmas (again), both brothers and his father’s birthdays (again), and his own birthday (again) and his girlfriend’s birthday (again). He turned 21 in jail in January and I guess he’ll be turning 22 in jail next January. We’ll see him sometime in March.

While he really needs this major kick in the ass from mommy, by me telling him that I’m done with him, it still hurts – a lot. God how I wish things could have been different! He was so close to sobriety and being done with it all – 30 more days and everything would have been fine. And now its not fine again. I’m sooooooo tired of the roller coaster ride, and just had to step off the coaster and take a break. I’ll miss him, but he needs this. He told me that losing me would kill him, and that this is his motivation now, cuz he understands I’m serious. And I am. I simply cannot do this anymore. I must take care of ME.

Off to have some cooking therapy. On tonights menu: home-made chicken pot pie (my youngest son’s favorite meal!). Its cold and dreary here – the perfect day for some nice warm comfort food.




  1. Have been reading your posts and praying. Stick to your guns. Hope this will be J’s rock bottom.


  2. I think with the clarity of sobriety he realizes you mean it. Must scare the crap out of him. Good for you. So far nothing and no one has scared the crap out of J.

    • Madyson – on my last post you commented about being close to ready to do this yourself. I asked J yesterday, “So you mean if I had dumped you 3 years ago it wouldn’t have gotten this far?” And his reply was, “Probably not.” Food for thought.

      I think they get so dependent on their mommies, and just take for granted that we will always be there for them, and then when we turn our backs it scares the bejeebers out of them!!

      I am not in any way advocating that you try this of course. Just sayin’ that’s its a last-ditch effort for me to get him to see the havoc he has wreaked. And it seems to be working. He’s scared! Good!

  3. Oh how your posts remind me of my son! It just makes me so angry that things have to sometimes get so ugly before they understand we aren’t playing around anymore. My son was 1month away from completing an 18 month probation sentence for a couple of misdemeanor charges and with the chance for a clean record and he not only royally screwed that up now he has 2 theft convictions on his record and a dwi and felony drug charge still out there waiting to be taken care of. I stay frustrated!! For my son it seems to be a pattern… Screw up my life, get it together a d dig my way out, then do it all over again. I really need to sit down and start that blog I’ve been meaning to do!! For what it is worth I think you are working the program of dealing with an addict child beautifully….hopefully, this is just what he’s needed!! Praying for you both!!

  4. It took me calling the police on my son and him spending 3 months in jail and 3 months in rehab, for him to change. It’s funny, three of us have sons with names that start with J! Anyway, I pray that this time when your J gets out, he will stay clean!

  5. Glad that you have set your boundaries and are taking care of yourself. And it got his attention. Amazing how detachment does that.

  6. Awesome! I am sincerely happy that you have decided to take care of you, put yourself first and that your son is getting the message! I hope your pot pie dinner was yummy and you enjoyed special time with the rest of the family. Hugs and prayers!

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