Posted by: addictionstinks | May 6, 2010

Signed The Agreement

More news, but first a thought:

Renee over at Mental Images commented on my last post about how, after attending meetings at the rehab, she has more compassion for the addicts, which she used to not have. It was all just anger. This reminded me of something that J said, that has really stuck with me.

One day, in a fit of anger, I looked him in the eye and I said, “Do you really think I asked for a son who is an addict?!?!?!?” He looked me right back in the eye and asked, “DO YOU REALLY THINK I ASKED TO BE AN ADDICT?!?!?!?”

Whoa……. That stopped me cold. I suppose he in fact did NOT ask to be an addict. Who would ask to screw up their lives, on purpose?

That one statement has had a profound impact on the way I view an addict. They didn’t ask for this, it happened to them. Yes, they made the choice to pick up that first time, not realizing (or simply not thinking about) the consequences of their actions. But they did NOT ask to become addicted, lose their jobs, ruin their credit, become homeless, become incarcerated.

On another note, J went to court today. He asked his Public Defender to ask the State’s Attorney if he could just sign on his case and start serving his sentence. The minimum sentence for his felony conviction is 3 years. The original felony was for buying cold pills for the meth maker. Its a Class 3 felony (if I remember right) – “production of methamphetimines” or something along those lines.

The State’s Attorney accepted it, and J signed on for 3 years. They are going to give him credit for the 5 months served before he went to rehab. Times 2 apparently, cuz that’s how it works.

Anyways, after doing the math – 3 years minus 10 months minus 1-1/2 years (good behavior) minus 6 months (just cuz that’s what DOC does), it comes out that he will serve about the next 4 months and then be done.

Doesn’t seem like much.

But in the grand scheme of things, when all is said and done, he will have been incarcerated in some form for one year (5 months+  in county, 2 months + in rehab, and these 4 months). Fair enough I suppose.

Again I asked him, “Are you done now?” (I always ask him that, every time he gets in trouble). He again answered, “Yeah.” I said, “I always ask you that and you always say yeah.” So I guess I don’t really believe him. Time will tell. By my way of thinking, eventually they are either done or dead (dead being a topic for a whole ‘nother post – later).

On a happier note – my second son – senior in high school, has his senior prom this Saturday, and graduates on May 30th – which just happens to be MY BIRTHDAY! What a grand present!! I never saw my first son graduate, cuz he didn’t bother – he dropped out (surprise surprise), so I’m REALLY looking forward to this!! Then he’s off to college – where he will study to become a high school math teacher. Could they be more opposite??? LOL!



  1. Interesting how one child is going to be a math teacher and the other is going to prison. There has to be a genetic component to addiction.

  2. What a good message with the first part of this post – it helps me to remember. One of the books I recently read said, in regards to an addict, that everyone on this earth is trying to do the best they can.
    4 months, way better than it sounds like it could have been.
    So exciting for your other son to be graduating HS – what a fun time in their lives.
    God bless.

  3. I don’t believe anyone ever thinks to say they want to be an addict or homeless when asked what they want to be when they grow up. With both your boys being on such different paths it really reinforces that addiction is truly a disease. I hope J is done and that you have 4 months of peace and rest. (((HUGS)))

  4. Congratulations on your son’s upcoming graduation and the start of college. Tonight that is all I can focus on. You and your family are blessed.

  5. I have had a lot of compassion for addicts because I went through this with someone else I loved very much and learned all I could. At that time I never dreamed it would hit home so close. Its horrible for everyone touched by it.

    HEY!!! What a great birthday gift. Is your son renting a tux for the prom? I bet he’ll look so handsome. I never got to see my son graduate either but I am thankful he’s working on it.

    Like Renee said – you have four months of peace and rest. I admit, I loved it when my son was in jail, I slept so good.

  6. I ask my son are you done now after each “crisis” too, and he always says absolutely. I am not going to ask anymore it just adds to the disappointment when he messes up again. It is all just to sad for words.

  7. I want to ad CONGRATULATIONS on your son’s graduation! My 17 year old daughter could not be more different than J too! I look forward to her graduation next year but it is bittersweet too. I will miss her desperately when she goes off to college

  8. Enjoy that graduation! And Happy Birthday in advance!


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