Posted by: addictionstinks | April 29, 2010

Looks Like More Jail Time

J called his Public Defender today in order to postpone court tomorrow. She said she would get a continuance. And then told him that the State’s Attorney wants to ask the judge to set bail and take him into custody immediately because of the failed pee test. Looks like its back to jail!!

I had to ask him today, what the hell he was thinking when he smoked that pot. His answer, “I wasn’t”. So I asked, “You mean it never occurred to you that this could cause you some more huge problems?” To which he replied, “Well, yeah, I thought about that, but I didn’t care.”

This is where he completely loses me. Didn’t care??? How could you NOT care that you’re gonna spend a year or two in prison???

This is my biggest hang-up with this whole addiction thing. I GET that’s its his problem. I GET that I didn’t cause it. I GET that I can’t help him. I get all of that. What I don’t get is why he won’t help himself? Why he doesn’t care?? Why he keeps doing stupid things over and over and over again??? It doesn’t make sense. Normal people would go, “Mmmmmmm pot, I want some of that. Oh, but I’d better not. I have probation tomorrow and if I smoke this I’m going to jail.” Why why why does he not think that way??? It completely boggles my mind!! He’s got a beautiful girlfriend. They’ve been together for almost 4 years and he says he wants to marry her. I know he wants to have kids. I know he wants a good life. So can someone PLEASE explain to me how in the hell he can NOT care when someone presents him with a friggin’ joint?!?!?!? Its not like pot is even addictive!!!

I’m mostly just sad tonight. Been a busy day dealing with clients and I’m tired. Mostly I’m tired of puttin’ on the happy face in order to get through my day with my clients. I work closely with moms and children, and always get asked how many kids I have. I say 3 boys. They ask how old. I say 21, 18, and 12. They ask “So one in college, one graduating high school?” I don’t know how to answer!! “No, one going to jail, one graduating high school?”

Its just exhausting. I kinda skirt the question and move along. Just say he lives on his own now, blah blah blah. Its painful tho.

Maybe I just need to go to bed. Puppy had us up at 4:45 AM. Doesn’t happen very often (thank goodness), but I’m pooped!!



  1. I’ve learned not to ask the why questions. I don’t think that I ever find the answers. I just have to let go and realize that there is no way to get another to change. They have to want to do that.

  2. I’m so sorry you have to go through this – that we all have to go through what we go through!

    Tomorrow is a new day – hopefully you sleep well!!

  3. I understand what your going through…been there, done that, as the saying goes. And just like you I ask those very same questions, time and time again! I’ve often wondered how a young man (my son who’s almost 20) can be so smart in so many ways and yet so incredibly stupid all at the same time…it’s lunacy!! I’ll keep you and J in my prayers. Hang in there…this too shall pass.

  4. why is what often did torture me…I know what you mean. But the why is answered because that is what addiction does…..makes the substance (yes, pot included) the MOST important thing,…and the consequences be damned….the impulse to get high overrides the consideration of the consequence later,…for the high is NOW and that’s what becomes the overwhelming need,…to where the addict really doesn’t care of those consequences at that “getting high moment”. And yes….pot IS addictive…it DOES change the brain chemicals,….even if it doesn’t require detox once clean from it…’s very addictive. It’s been my son’s drug of choice, even though he’s done many other drugs as well. But the pot is what has been his most used and most loved substance, which had kept us all on a hellish journey for almost 4 years now. A book that helped me is called “Addictive Thinking”, a Hazelden book,…got it at Barnes and Noble. God Bless you. I’m sorry for this pain you’re going through. It’s a very painful experience as a mother.

  5. I remember having such a hard time with the concept that addiction is a disease. But I believe that it truly is. Part of the disease is the compulsion and obession to use at any cost. I have compared it in my mind with say a diabetic that does not eat right, check their blood sugars, etc, therefore becoming even sicker. Or, say a person who has been diagnosed with cancer but continues to smoke (which is also an addiction). It is difficult to understand and accept for us mothers. I hope you get a very peaceful nights sleep.

  6. I feel your pain and frustration. I hope it helped to vent here…that’s what these blogs are for! The why question can drive any of us nuts, but after reading this I decided to ask myself “why would her son do that” from the perspective of someone who is not his mother but has a son of her own.

    Yes, its an addiction…but like you said, its pot. Pot is not physically addictive so really what he’s doing is chasing a feeling and/or escaping a feeling. It is mind boggling that the consequences had not bearing on his choice – I know some drugs will cause a person to do anything, but to risk jail to smoke pot is a hard one to wrap your mind around.

    I hope that the judge goes easy on him. In my opinion its ridiculous to put someone in jail for smoking pot – what is the point? Community service, I can understand.

    I hope your son looks around and sees what he has and what he could lose and starts making the right choice. I am so sorry you have to deal with this.

    I also hate it when I run into someone that asks what Keven’s been up to “lets see, he spent the last two years in and out of jail, rehab and the mental hosptial…..”

  7. dang cool story bro.

  8. I might help you understand his mindset if you check out the blog Drug Wars at
    She definitely explains extremely well all the questions you ask. It has helped me understand better. You really don’t owe anyone an answer when asked about your kids. Just say: Yeah, something like that… and change the subject.
    I don’t tell anyone anymore about my daughter when asked, because it is just too painful.

  9. cuz heroin turns them into mindless idiots

  10. Pot is addictive. I have known several people in my lifetime that can not go one day without it. They become physically uncomfortable with anxiety and anger, unable to manage their emotions. Quitting after a lot of use can cause anxiety attacks, fear, many things. Pot is addictive.

  11. Good lord that is the million dollar question! Why do addicts not care, no matter the consequences? If you ever discover the mystery to that question, please share it with the rest of us. I wonder if the drugs actually change the part of the brain where self preservation should kick in but never does.

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