Posted by: addictionstinks | April 18, 2010

Found Him!

Texts from this morning, between me and J’s girlfriend:

Me: Hey P, have you heard from J?

Her: No y?

Me: Just wonderin cuz I haven’t heard from him at all.

Her: R U worried?

By this point, I know its J texting me back. His girlfriend has NEVER asked “am I worried”. She doesn’t have to – she knows exactly how I feel.

So I called her phone. J answered (I KNEW IT WAS HIM texting me!) So, I guess he’s at her house. OK, at least I now know he’s not dead in some gutter.

I advised him to get on her computer TODAY and find another rehab facility to go to. That may be his ONLY saving grace with probation when he speaks with them tomorrow.

What KILLS me is that he can’t think of these things on his own??????? WTH??????? When he left the rehab facility, he left with a REFERRAL to go somewhere else.

So why on earth would he sit on his ass and do nothing, and wait for probation to throw him back in jail??? DUH!!!!!!!!!!

I told him it was time to become a bit more proactive in his treatment! To not just sit there like a pansy-ass and wait for them to make the first move (which won’t be good).

Here’s the scary part – his girlfriend has changed her status on Facebook to “engaged”. She can have him!! Apparently she wants to marry him! Whatever……but at some point he’s gonna have to learn to wipe his own ass (instead of talking to his mommy all the time and me telling him what to do). Should be interesting.

Back to my house cleaning. Bleh!

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Responses

  1. Let him reach for his own toilet paper and do the job himself. I don’t think that anyone has ever gotten any where as long as others are there to do things for them and clean up the messes they make. Take care of you.

    • My point exactly Syd! HE needs to wipe his own ass! I just cannot fathom why he can’t think of possible solutions by himself! Did I step too far in suggesting he call around to find another treatment facility? Should I have not said anything? I just don’t even know anymore!

  2. My son changed his status to engaged a few months ago. We kicked him out last October. I finally learned to detach after 4 years on the merry go round. I keep my mouth shut now. I love him, pray for him, and let him have the dignity to learn for himself. It isn’t easy but my life is more peaceful now. ::hugs::

    ♥namaste♥

  3. um…..you said…”I advised him to get on her computer TODAY and find another rehab facility to go to. That may be his ONLY saving grace with probation when he speaks with them tomorrow.

    What KILLS me is that he can’t think of these things on his own??????? WTH??????? When he left the rehab facility, he left with a REFERRAL to go somewhere else. (Leave it alone. Stop trying to control the situation, and him.-He CAN think of these things on his own, he just simply DOES NOT WANT TO.)

    So why on earth would he sit on his ass and do nothing, and wait for probation to throw him back in jail??? DUH!!!!!!!!!! (Well, yes. It’s easier. He is just gonna sit on his ass and get high until they bust him. It’s what junkies DO…)

    I told him it was time to become a bit more proactive in his treatment! To not just sit there like a pansy-ass and wait for them to make the first move (which won’t be good). – (the only thing junkies are pro-active at is getting dope.)

    Honey, I am so sorry to be the harsh one, but you are still owning his problem, you are still trying to control and fix the situation. you need to stop.

    • See, this is where you lose me Dawn. You say “he does not want to” and “it’s easier” to sit on his ass and do nothing. BUT, is it “easier” to sit in jail, rather than THINK! Are they really THAT stupid???? Cuz I have a hard time getting past the stupidity! It just floors me! He really really is a VERY intelligent person, without an OUNCE of commen sense. How can that be????

      • yes, they really ARE that stupid. unfortunately. i know exactly how you feel because my daughter is/was that intelligent as well, and is also that stupid. the thing is….dope takes over their entire being, changes them, changes their brain structure, changes everything.

        you are only gonna drive yourself crazy trying to make him see. he won’t and you will lose an important part of yourself trying to make him see.

  4. My gosh, you’ve had a rough couple days. I can only imagine how hard it was not knowing where he went. I am glad he surfaced and you had a chance to talk to him.
    I do not understand the (lack of) logic either, but know it seems to be a common theme with our kids. I try to separate between the disease and the person. What has been said above is true though, take care of yourself, and let J and God take care of him. This is so hard.
    A friend was here visiting so i have been reading but not commenting – so you and J have been in my prayers all weekend and will continue to be.

  5. It is easier for them to sit on their ass and do nothing…. and it’s not that they’re stupid… they just think they will never get caught.

    The same mentality that tells them that they can pick up the snake (drugs) and not get bitten (addicted) tells them that they can turn themselves in tomorrow, or next week, etc. Only tomorrow, they think next week will do just fine.

    My daughter talked for almost seven weeks (while getting loaded daily) about how she was going to turn herself in, how she was going to get a better deal if she turned herself in and asked for help rather than getting arrested. My daughter is smart. But an addict will not usually make the decision to turn themselves in, etc.

    My daughter has mentioned that each time she’s been arrested, she’s sat on the curb, handcuffed and been profoundly relieved. Because she knows she will never voluntarily manage to stop. She literally sleeps in the cop car on the way to the jail. She is that relieved. She may intend to turn herself in tomorrow, but when it comes down to voluntarily walking into probation and knowing you’re going to have to kick it in jail, etc…. the right day for that never seems to come for her. As Dawn said, the one thing she is proactive about when she is using, is getting more heroin.

    I’m so sorry you had such a scary time with no contact, etc. That is not fun. This whole thing is hard for us, emotionally, and hard for us to understand, intellectually. The solutions (especially solutions that would mitigate consequences) seem so obvious to us. But not to them!

    Hugs to you and prayers for you and your son continue.

  6. Glad you at least know where he is. Praying.

    Cheri


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