Posted by: addictionstinks | March 30, 2010

He Is Frustrated

Looks like there’s not gonna be a visit this weekend again!! One of the people in his group put in a “peer concern” for J because he did not take a shower right after rec time. He claims that its because someone else was in the washroom at the time. So, no visit home for Easter either!

He is very frustrated. I just got off the phone with him. His exact words were, “I’m ready to pack up my shit and get out of here. They’re making me more stressed out to the point where I wanna use drugs.” NOT GOOD!

Of course, it sounds to me as if HE is being very argumentative – to the point of pissing off his counselor. He kept asking her why he couldn’t get his pass, and she kept giving him the same answer. And he kept asking….. and kept asking…… until she finally told him to go away, she didn’t want to speak with him anymore.

This is classic J! When he doesn’t get what he wants, he just keeps going and going and going, like the Energizer Bunny, in the hopes that you will eventually give in to his demand just to shut him up!

My advice to him was to step back, and see how HIS ATTITUDE is what’s affecting his ability to get (or not get) his pass home. His response – “Yeah yeah yeah, whatever.”

He’s got A LOT of growing to do. I suspect we won’t be having in our home until this growing begins to occur.


I told him he could pack up his shit and leave, right back to jail if that what he would prefer!! Cuz that’s how it’ll happen!

Whatever….HIS CHOICE.

God, I love this kid with all my heart and soul, but I just wish he would SEE things the way the rest of the world sees things – the way he is expected to see things! Until then, nothing’s gonna change!

I’m really upset at the “wanting to use” comment. AAAARGH! What’s gonna happen some day when his boss ticks him off??? Or his girlfriend?? Or even me??

Such an uphill climb.



  1. Oh my that could be the perfect description of my J. Seems so hopeless sometimes…

  2. I believe that they create these challenges and push their buttons to help them learn that life is full of challenges. And I can only hope that at some point he gets it, because as soon as he does, his world will change, and you’ll start to see the young adult that you expected based on how you raised him! Hang in there, Mom, because I think you are doing great in terms of allowing him to experience what he needs to experience.

    And I know it is tough.You continue to be in my prayers.

  3. My son is the same way, push and push until someone caves. I can feel your frustration, anger and sadness. I also believe that you are doing a terrific job of allowing him to walk his own path, learn his own lessons. Keep faith and never give up hope, there is always hope. It just sucks. Sending prayers to you and J.

  4. junkie thinking. the counselors are wise to it and won’t put up with it.

    nothing, NOTHING forces or pushes an addict to use again. they RUN to use to avoid dealing with reality.

    if he leaves and uses, it’s HIS choice and his fault. Not the rehabs, not yours, not the counselors.

    he is just looking for an excuse to use. he has already made up his mind, he just hasn’t implemented it yet.

    sorry. just my opinion.

  5. I hate to say this, but the comment that has you so upset sounds like a classic manipulative comment designed to elicit the exact feelings in you it did. Not that he did this on purpose mind you. I’ve just caught on with my Heather…
    My gosh, you describing him I could have taken out J and substituted Heather!!! With me I know I’ve set a poor example of letting her “wear me down” until she gets what she wants…
    Hang in there, I know it is going to be tough for you over the holiday. BUT, who knows what the “grand scheme” is??? Maybe it’s in J’s best interest that he doesn’t come home. (I don’t know either way, just supposing…)
    love & hugs to you!

  6. Oh the pestering sounds familiar….. over, and over, and over, until I either gave in, or left her presence…. so that I didn’t end up “in” for manslaughter…. Sigh. I’ve gotten better. She jokes that she hates that I found Alanon and learned about boundaries, etc… *grin*

    Praying – hugs!

  7. I think that J’s comment was immature and skillfully aimed like an arrow to your heart. I inventory the things that I feel when someone says something to me that just doesn’t feel right. And I don’t need to believe what another person says. Veiled threats don’t cut it much with me.

  8. My J was also always pushing the limits and testing…very strong willed. He’s getting better…I’m getting better. Peace and healing to both of you!!

  9. you’ve described my son perfectly….always has been like this… we see a pattern here with our addicts people ? wow : (

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