Posted by: addictionstinks | March 4, 2010

Visiting Day

Last night was our first visiting night. He looks good. He’s definately bulked up quite a bit – says he’s put on 35 pounds since before he went to jail. He looks so much better – before he was rail thin – so thin it looked sickly.

We had a great visit all in all. One thing still kinda ticked me off tho. Apparently the new guys cannot go to the store, but the guys that have been there for a while can. So the new guys put in their orders of what they want picked up at the store, and the older guys go get it. So J put in an order for a bunch of stuff (candy, cigarettes) and then just ASSUMES I will give him the money to cover the bill. Of course I had to give him the money because the order was already in. But I told him he really needs to quit doing that!! I’m tired of him assuming I’ll give him money to cover his ass – what if I didn’t have any money in my wallet that day? He did this in jail too – he would order from commissary and then assume I would give him the money on visiting day. Pisses me off!! Ask nicely is one thing – I’d probably give it to him without complaint. But do NOT assume I will just cover your ass!

Anyways, other than that, it was a great visit. I brought his girlfriend with me and they were able to sit there for the whole hour and hold hands, which I’m sure was nice as they haven’t touched in 6 months.

Onward and upward toward success!



  1. I’m really glad you had a great visit. The boundary about commissary money is yours to set for you to be happy…it is not about him. So decided how you want him to handle it, so that you don’t feel “pissed,” and then simply tell him. That is different than telling him you don’t like what he did. Give him the specific requirement, which sounds something like, “I need you to ask in advance, including how much commissary money you are asking for. When asked simply on visiting day without advance notice, my answer will be “no.”

    Isn’t it amazing how good they look when they stop using and start eating and sleeping! Take care and remember to take care of yourself.

  2. So glad you had a nice visit. And Lisa is right, you set the boundaries you are comfortable with regarding money. The fact that you want to shows you are in a healthy place!

    I had to smile when you described how he’s bulked up. That’s exactly what happened to our son when he first went to rehab. He looked so healthy with the additional weight.

    Hugs and prayers,

  3. Sounds like a wonderful visit. Glad to hear he’s bulked up, I agree with Lisa, they start to look so good – like their old selves!

    Keven did the same thing to me once and I from then on he asked before hand if I would put money on his books or bring him money to rehab. Just another thing they need to re-learn in case they forgot how to “ask nicely” 🙂

    Onward and upward toward success! I like that!

  4. I’m glad you had a good visit and I’m glad he is looking good. I know that has to make you feel so great to see him like that!
    Yeah, if you do like LisaC mentioned it will help you to not build up resentments. It’s a hard lesson I am STILL learning (in more aspects of life than just my daughter!).
    God bless.

  5. I agree with Lisa, the boundary is set for you, not him. I limited the amount of money I put on my son’s books to very little. I kept him pretty poor in there because that money didn’t always go for the things it was meant for and I found out that he could still obtain drugs from other inmates. He always asked me, sometimes pushing for more money, and I would just tell him if he wanted the $5.00 I was willing to place on the books then the pushing needed to end. He stopped pushing. I am so glad you had a great visit and it is so awesome to see them when they put on weight and become more clear in the mind. Take care of yourself.

  6. I agree with everyone here. The first time my daughter ordered in advance in jail, she got a bit of a surprise. I put the usual small amount on her books and she had to truly scrimp for the next several weeks to even out. I figure, there are welfare packs in jail with the basics. If she had to shampoo with a bar of soap, so be it. She was still clean, if she chose to be. I just got cranky, you know? Why should I keep giving a portion of my “allowance” I frugally allot myself each week, for her to have special shampoo and chocolate? I used to put more on her books, but with each successive incarceration, it’s gotten less and less. I don’t want her to be comfortable in there. I want her to not want to go back!

    As for rehab, I got kind of cranky there too. I watched them being served a seafood dinner one night (at her first rehab) and remembered I had had a grilled cheese on discount bread before racing to the rehab family meeting. I decided not to give her much money there either. She was eating better than I was and while I was glad she was well fed, I was not of the mind that it should be a 30-day pajama party with munchies.

    But again, I’ve become a cranky old woman these last ten years…. don’t pay much attention to me!!

    I will say, I’m REALLY GLAD you had a great visit and I am happy he seems to be doing well! Yay! I’ll keep praying!

  7. It sounds positive. I am glad that you had a good visit.

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