Posted by: addictionstinks | February 20, 2010

Younger Siblings

My addict, J, is my oldest son at 21. There are two more sons behind him – D is 18 and B is 12.

Every time I mention J’s name to B, my youngest, he simply shrugs like he doesn’t care. For example: today B is leaving on a Boy Scout trip to go skiing – it will be his first time ever skiing. He’s very excited! When I told him that I used to take J and his friend Scott skiing at the little ski hill here all the time and that J absolutely loves skiing, B’s only response was, “Bleh”. Most time if I mention J’s name, B tells me “He’s an idiot.” I did have to put a quick stop on the name calling. That’s just unnessessary, even if its true.

This got me thinking. And it occurred to me that the ONLY way B has ever known his big brother is as a “screw up”. J has been an addict for over 5 years now, and has been actively getting in trouble with the law since the age of 16. Which would make B 6 or 7 years old when all this first started – about that age when children are really cognizant enough to start remembering everyday occurrences. So, since as long as B could remember, J has been a trouble maker.

No wonder he feels this way about him now.

This is something that will need to be addressed some time during the course of J’s treatment. I’m pretty sure at some point the family will be involved and will be talking to the counsellors together as a family.

It was just a sad realization.



  1. Its very sad. Let’s hope it changes and that he can see his older brother as someone who’s overcome a very difficult challenge and is a better person for it in the long run…

  2. Sometimes everyone gets lost in all the drama our addict can bring. I found my step-son feeling kind of forgotten, or maybe just not as important as my addicted son was taking up so much of our energy and conversation. They say it is a family disease and that the family must recover as well as the addict. I believe this to be true and pray that B will find answers and comfort from the family recovery process. My prayers are with you and your family.

  3. My other four kids cannot stand their sister anymore. They are tired of the lies, the cheating, the stealing, the lifesyle, the uncountable failed rehabs….the lies..the lies…the lies…..

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